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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
It`s so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.
Monopoly: Destroying friendships since 1904
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
Scientists are saying that social media is making us less accepting and more aggressive. Whatever, a$$holes!
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.