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Did you guys know grammar police rhymes with humorless a$$hole?
The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
Relationship status – table for one but drinks for two.
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life!
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass