Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
Do you know who invented the Knock Knock joke? I don`t know either, but whoever did should get a no bell prize.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can`t hit me with a quarter!
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
Its ironic how the colors Red, White and Blue represent freedom... until they are flashing behind your back.
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
Statement: "Do you really love me?" True Meaning: "Ive done something stupid and youre going to find out sooner or later."
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.