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I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
Apparently when my math teacher asked `what comes after 69` "I DO" was not the correct answer.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
Very excited to announce I`m on the market and actively looking for someone new to make me miserable
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
lifes like a box of chocolates, never know whatcha gonna get (:
None of my girlfriends even know they`re dating me.
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"