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What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
is tring to fool people into thinking I have a social life by going offline from Facebook for a few hours.
I can’t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend.
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
Nobody tell my husband that "year round periods" aren`t a thing.
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?