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Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.
I still sing my ABC’s to see which letter comes first.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...