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Whatever I did to make you hate me, I’d like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
If I ignored you any harder, we`d be married.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
Imagine, for a moment, what you could accomplish if you had the persistence and drive of the Adobe Acrobat Reader updater.
My boss called me lazy and said I had poor communication skills... I almost responded
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That