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I`m still mad that video killed the radio star.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
If your wife says "what would you do without me?" "Live happily ever after" is NOT the correct answer.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.