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i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
Pro tip: The kids run around a little longer if you forget to hide the eggs
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
I`m not saying I`m out of shape but I just stretched, got winded, and need to lie down