Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
Job interview `What is your biggest weakness?` `Honesty` `I don`t think honesty is a weakness` `I don`t give a flying *#(@ what you think!`
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
cuss words = sentence enhancers
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.
I just saw a 3D printer at the UPS store. It`s kind of cool, but I won`t be impressed until it can print snacks...
My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we`ll try anal. So please don`t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
I wonder if Iยดll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. Iโ€™m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.