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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Iām probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
Does running out of money count as exercise?