Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Wishing you a fabulous 2014 that is full of great achievements and experiences. A meaningful chapter waiting to be written HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
Some people just bring out the psycho in me
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.