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Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
I have been tagged and poked so many times today, I may not be able to walk tomorrow.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
Possible Fact: White guys with corn rows make dangerous zombies, cuz you can`t possibly run away while laughing that hard at the same time.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
Buying my wife a matching belt and bag for her birthday. We`ll have that vacuum cleaner working in no time.
just bought 400 copies of Hoarders: Season 1. Not sure what to do with them.
I hate brushing my teeth at night because that signifies that you cant have anymore food and im just never ready for that kind of commitment
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0