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It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
You laugh because I`m different ........... I laugh because I farted.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
If I don’t talk to myself, who will?
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
Unless life also gives you sugar and water, your lemonade`s gonna suck!
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"
My local news station says it gives us " news when it breaks " ...I want unbroken news!!