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I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
My 6 yo just chugged a bottle of water in 30 seconds. Now I`m fearful of her college days.
I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
Pay no attention to the device around my ankle.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
All I want is to see you smile...that and maybe a pizza.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.