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If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
You should get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep... 9 if you`re an ugly bitch...
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
Most days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins
Everything is legal when the cops aren`t around.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
My life is loosely based on a true story.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
roses are red, violets are blue, god made everyone beautiful, what the hell happened to you?
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face