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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
The only reason I keep people`s phone numbers in my phone is to avoid their calls..
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.