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I wish my kids came with a handbook.... Hardcover, preferably. So I have something to hit them with.
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.