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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
My inner self is in Photoshop
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
I never get caught because I`ve watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
Last time I saw jugs that big, 2 hillbillies were blowing on them.
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
Maybe this comment wont be important for you guys here. Some of you will ignore it, most of yall wont bother to read and it`ll go unnoticed along with some others. maybe I`ll be criticized for this but I just want to let yall know I`m selling potatoes
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.