Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
Patient: "The problem is that obesity runs in my family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
The baby spit up on my Xbox so I had to get rid of it ... I`m gonna miss that baby...
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.