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The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is play dumb.
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
I don`t burn bridges. I just loosen the bolts a little bit each day.
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants