Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I only say “bless you” twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you’re a demon who must be destroyed.
My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
All of those in favor of bitch slapping stupid people, say "I"
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!