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To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
I’m a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity.
There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
Police officer: Ma`am do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I`m just as confused as you are.
Is it wrong to use cheat codes for Wii Fit.
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
Sarcasm: because beating the sh!t out of people is illegal.
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.