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BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
Can you imagine if Facebook just decided to shut down and you see all these confused teenagers coming out of their house squinting at the sun/
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
Why even ask how my weekend was if you’re just going to interrupt me halfway through to say “Yeah, I saw your Facebook post.”
I didn`t fall. The floor just needed a hug.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.