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Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption "Summer is finally here!" or we wouldn`t have known it`s summer.
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
Ya know once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it´s hard to get it back in.
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
You could give me 45 years to do homework and I still wouldn’t do it until the night before.
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.