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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
Happy people don`t take long showers.
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
Flight to Vegas...guy in front of me has a bouquet made up of dollar bills. Pro Tip: That stripper will never marry you bro.
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
I have reliable inside information about Apple`s next product. I will not be able to afford it.
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.