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If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
I told my 4-year-old she couldn`t open any candy yet. So she ate a Tootsie Roll with the wrapper still on it. That kid is a problem solver.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Although no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
If I’m going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then I’m going to need a bigger rug.
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"