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So exhausting to have my life changed for the better every time someone posts a screenshot of a famous quote.
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
My car doesn’t have a passenger airbag but don’t worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in line, loudly, at amusement parks
Nothing changes a Facebook relationship status faster than a weekend full of tagged photos!
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
I`m tired of people assuming I`ve got a good personality because I`m ugly.
80% of my status updates are BS, 15% are bologna and 5% are 100% straight from the heart.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. I came back drunk.
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
How long does it take to get obsessed?
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.