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For those of you wondering what it`s like to be married, I`m on day 3 of an argument I didn`t know I was having.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.
First world problems: I couldn’t hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
No matter what happens this month, at least you’re not a turkey.
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
I wish bedtime was all the time.
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.