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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
If you ever want to know what you look like to the world, don’t look in a mirror, have a child draw you.
"I wanna f*ck you so hard right now." "What?!?" "Damn autocorrect, I meant hey."
*uses Ouija board* NEW PHONE WHO DIS
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
At the end of each day, life should ask us, `Do you want to save the changes?`
Make librarians cry by calling it a Book Museum while taking pictures with your iPad.
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF