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I cant remember the last time i forgot something
I wish common sense was more common.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
I do not fail, I succeed at things that do not work.
Your day sucked, huh? I`m sure Facebook would love to hear about it.
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
He who laughs last didn´t get it.
I like to flush the toilet a few times when I`m on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
I just found out that all the people who say "You haven`t changed a bit" have been lying to me. :)
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
I hate it when I fill my blowup doll with helium and then she plays hard to get...
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
Being human is expensive and exhausting.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....