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I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
I get you, anti-evolution people. I`m too lazy to learn science too.
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
I like how Sesame Street just casually has a vampire hanging around.
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
I know it`s 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.
I bet giraffes don`t even know what farts smell like.
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
Just when you want to be a good person again , someone new to stalk shows up