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I wish I had a dollar for every time I didn`t have a dollar.
Life is better when you can share it with a friend that has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
just keep scrolling nothing to see hear
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.