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There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
This oatmeal tastes like I`m gonna need a doughnut.
Jack daniel was found dead by johnie walker at castle strt under savanna tree,captain morgan believed dat he was killed by strongbow.his 4cuzns said that he was best in j&b club at knights...
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
A procrastinator’s work is never done.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.