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Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
How strict is the "I licked it, it`s mine" policy? There`s some things I`ve licked that I don`t want.
I’m writing this from the hospital. Don’t worry! The doctors say I’m going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.
Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
Sometimes I wish people would just bring donuts to work instead of drama.