Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-a$$ing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
I found a spider in my shoes. He looks ridiculous, they`re way too big for him.
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
If you keep bending your iPhone 6 you`ll eventually have a sweet flip phone.
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
So who the heck ever buys the middle grade of gasoline?
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
Dr. Oz says having 1/2 hour of sex is equivalent to running 6 miles. I guess I`m going to the gym today.