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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
If I won the lottery, I could make a whole lotta people miserable
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
Girls are funny creatures. They hate it when you ask their age but will kill you if you forget their birthday.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
It feels like one of them days..... ya know? When you wanna fart and blame the other person for it!
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I`m murdered because I don`t want him to remarry
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.