Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.