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Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
I still remember when everyone wanted their phone to be smaller. Now that we can watch porn on them, everyone wants them bigger.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
Cleaning a house while toddlers are in it is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos.
Next time I`m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I`m going to turn around and say, "I`m sure you`re wondering why I`ve gathered you all here."
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?