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I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
I’d like to think I’ve taught Citibank a valuable lesson about handing out credit cards all willy-nilly.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
I`d kill for a microwave that plays Europe`s “The Final Countdown” during the last 30 seconds.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!
Whoever said paper beats rock is an idiot. Next time that happens, I`m gonna throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.