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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
A wise man once told me `Never sleep with your a$$ itching.. You`ll wake up with smelly fingers`
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.