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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
+ if you wish you could record your dreams.
Hit me with your pet shark #RuinAn80sSong
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
Why can`t Miss Piggy count to 100? Cuz` when she gets to 69, she gets a frog in her throat!
I`ve never done any mistake twice... three, four times may be!
They say a dog park is a great place to pick up girls. I don`t have a dog so I am walking around with a bag of poop so I won`t look weird.
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
DAAAAY-OH! DAAaay-oh! Monday come and me wanna go home.