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Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets?
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? The Dark Knight Rises.
Hit the popcorn button on my microwave but none has appeared yet.
My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.