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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
What number SPF blocks people?
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.