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Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
Don`t feel bad if you don`t enjoy my posts. The important thing to remember is that I do. I enjoy all of them. That`s what matters.
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!