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People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse"
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
GOOGLE must be a woman because it knows everything.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.