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I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
Dear shaving commercials, stop shaving hairless legs. If you want impress us, please shave a gorilla.
Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since `pro` is the opposite of `con` we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.