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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
Is there a 5-second Rule for when you drop babies? ...Asking for a friend. JK people!!! LOL ;)
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
I’m in no shape to exercise.
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
I am bored. Anyone need anything avenged?
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....