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Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
I can tell you nice things but they`ll all be about me.
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
NASA has confirmed that December 21, late afternoon, the sky will be very dark. It is an interesting phenomenon called "night".
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.
People who over-exaggerate make me so mad that I just want to light everyone on fire.
Drank way too much beer last night. Didn`t leave any for this morning.