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When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
that awkward moment when your pulling the covers up and hit yourself in the damn face !!!
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help.
If I were Noah, I’d be grabbing two of every bottle of alcohol
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.