Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Let`s sleep in until it`s time to go to bed again
Muffins – for people who don’t have the guts to order cake for breakfast.
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
I don`t like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
The most impressive thing about how cowboys used to have showdowns at high noon is that they could get two people to be on time to something
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.