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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
If, in your relationship, you hear "You`re suffocating me", you`re probably not holding down the pillow hard enough.
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Who knew rock bottom was so crowded?
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.