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Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
Worries about the economy grow again after the world`s biggest yacht-selling company announce a drop in sails
Just pour the coffee and back away slowly.
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
I`m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off a bunch of sh!t all at the same time.
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
Don`t put off until tomorrow what you can avoid the rest of your life.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
I`d have a longer attention span if things weren`t so shiny.
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
I have tonight off so if anyone’s free let’s go somewhere and look at our phones together.
Some of you are like family to me. I don’t want you calling me either.
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.