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The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
Ladies, when it comes to stalking, I`m 100% behind you.
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
I didn`t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
They should really be Middle-Age Mutant Business Turtles by now.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?