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If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
No one wants to hear about your diet. Just eat your salad and be sad.
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
I would die if I had to stop exaggerating.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…