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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
Political debates are great if you want to watch idiots talk to us like idiots to prove that the idiot next to them is a bigger idiot.
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn`t get your message.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
I recently jumped on the back of my psychologist and started counting...1...2...3 and he was so suprised asking me what I was doing and I answered offendedly: "Well you`re the one who said I could always count on you !"
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.