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I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
There’s literally no way to know how many chameleons are in your house.
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor`s trash so you don`t get robbed.
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
Hey, does anyone know which side you`re supposed to wear your fanny pack on? I want to really nail this job interview tomorrow.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
If you have really strong opinions on subjects that you know very little about... then Facebook just may be the perfect thing for you.
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
Just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he’ll never have any friends.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.