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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
Attention fuels immaturity
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow`s ass
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.