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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
Word for the day is asstard
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
My blood hound was just attacked by a Crip hound.