Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
In marijuana`s defense, I`m lazy as sh!t completely sober too.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!
The squirrels must be gathering nuts. Three of my neighbors have disappeared.