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I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Sometimes you can tell it’s going to be a bad day when someone you don’t like is smiling.
Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
be smart, pretend to be stupid!