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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
Life`s short ... Drink fast