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Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
There is 2 address we will always know by heart, 1: Our Own, and 2: P. Sherman 42 wallyby way Sydney!
If someone found a legit way to make penises bigger, no one would believe them.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.