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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
What is an Amish girls favourite fantasy? Two Mennonite
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
I have two words for this week. BEER ME!!!