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There’s a limit of how close you should be to another man when taking a selfie.
I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
99% of people in this world are stupid. Luckily I`m part of the other 5%.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
Just seen this girl walk into a lamp post! I could have stopped her but that wouldn`t have been funny would it
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.