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The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
Roses are red, violets are blue, If i had a brick id throw it at you.
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
There is a method to my madness….and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
The wet spot in my bed is tears
Not to interrupt your story, but do you have a completely different and possibly shorter story?
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.