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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
There is really no way of knowing how many chameleons are in the room right now.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
Turns out having boobs only gets you stuff if you don`t have a penis as well.
I’ve thought about it, and there still is no good reason for me to grow up.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
Every so often you come across a person who always smiles no matter what, that person is the reason why random bitch slaps should be a thing
There`s a thin line between "I should write a status about that" and "I should talk to my therapist about that"....
My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments so they look crazy.