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A wise man once said nothing.
Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
It`s a beautiful Spring day to get outside and stare at your phone.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
The well behaved rarely make history.
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
why do i feel like you are reading this
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
Finding out your ex got fat is like finding 20 bucks in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.
Wouldn’t it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!