Daily Silly Status

Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment

So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m

My boss says I intimidate the other employees, so I just stared at him until he apologized

I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.

I got a letter from my crush on Valentine`s Day. Well, technically it`s a restraining order but still....

If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy

On a scale of 1 to "Get out you`re fired" where does napping at work rank?

I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.

I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?

Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"

My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my `WTF` lines and those things are deep.

i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.

I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.

Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.

Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.