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Got in touch with my inner self this morning. That`s the LAST time I buy single ply toilet paper.
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
Does eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
Mary had a little lamb,,the midwife fainted
wife: It`s ruining date night me: It`s ruining date night because you`re letting it ruin date night hitchhiker: Just drop me off on the corner
Hash browns not tags.
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
I hate when people passive-aggressively post vague, indirect statuses. You know who you are...
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps