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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who’s ever used a cell phone will die
Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
You know what`s really great about being a narcissist? Me.
Guess what I saw today? ... Everything I looked at.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
Doc: ``Hows your headache ?`` Me: ``She`s at home``
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is `What is never the answer?`
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?