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I want to spend the rest of my life photo bombing the Google street view camera shots dressed as Waldo.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
Now what`s funny is "Si" from Duck Dynasty
Spicy food is like BDSM for your mouth
Hey Journey, I stopped believing. What now?
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.