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I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..
My mother said, “You won’t amount to anything because you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh ya…..Just you wait.....”
The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don`t understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."
It`s no fun if you have permission.
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!