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Instead of torturing people for getting information, why don’t they just get them really drunk?
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
So much to do and so few alibis.
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
Save water, shower together.
I surveyed 100 women on what shampoo they prefer while showering 95% said How the hell did you get in here!!!
Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.