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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
This status is mine....I licked it.
Why would anybody put 99 bottles of beer up on a wall in the first place?
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
Here hold my dignity, I`ve got some sketchy shit to do.
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
My girlfriend left the lights on, on her Smart Car last night. This morning I had to jump start it with my Android.
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
People go to the bar hoping for 2 things...to get hammered or to get nailed.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.