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Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
How could a man who is covered in tattoos be afraid of commitment?
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
I always walk through my office with a stern look on my face and a toilet plunger to avoid conversations.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.