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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
Do you think in the spirit world they have TV shows about trying to make contact with the living?
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
How many V and M can see
NNNNNMNNNNNNNVVWWWWVWWWWW
The worst thing about rich people is I`m not one of them.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"