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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
I like to punish people who ask me how I`m doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)