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All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
I just heard "Eye of the Tiger" and now I`m motivated to conquer the world. Or at least get out of my pajamas.
I think I may be getting harder to love.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
You had me at 0 mutual friends