Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
Everything I like is expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
I think they put less beers in twelve packs these days.
When we were kids, we didn`t have Pokemon Go. If we wanted to look for things that weren`t there, we would get stoned like normal people.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers
My favorite in-laws are the ones that don`t exist.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?