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Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
I can read Spanish, Chinese, Russian and Italian. As long as it`s written in english.
Why am I always right but people still ignore me...?
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
We get it poets: things are like other things
I`m sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don`t really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
hearing that Jesus loves you is very nice unless you`re in a Mexican prison
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
Life`s short ... Drink fast
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium