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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
My death bed confession is going to be epic!
To whoever finds the $20 I dropped last night: spend it on alcohol. It`s what I would have wanted.
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?