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We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
The weekend is just a bittersweet memory.... I won`t cry because it`s over, I`ll smile because for a few miles they believed I was the real bus driver.
have you ever tried waking up in the morning? its horrible, the sun`s the wrong place and your head is so damn heavy.
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?
When everything is coming your way ... You`re in the wrong lane.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
I keep an identical glass of vodka next to the water on my bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette
"F*ck that sh!t", is a perfectly acceptable replacement for the word "no"
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.