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It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
I know I`m an adult now, but I still hold out hope that money will fall out of every card I get.
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
Hawaii is a great place to live if you hate being eligible for contests.
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
My life is based on a true story
I used to be poor. Then I bought a dictionary, and now I`m impecunious.
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.