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If my calculations are correct then someone else did them for me.
If you put root beer in a square cup, do you get beer?……………………. (you smart people grinned didn’t you.)
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
People are always weirded out when I take notes during episodes of Dexter.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
There`s no rehab for stupid! ;P
One day I hope to understand the phrase "more money, more problems"
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun...
"Dean, what are you doing this weekend?"
"That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should."
"But what are you doing?"
"What I`m g
"Iowa man arrested after fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches" - I`m just gonna assume this is 1 of you guys
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.