Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
Whenever I pick my Grandma up from the airport, I leave my left blinker on during the entire drive so she feels more comfortable.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
I`m reading a book on anti-gravity. It is impossible to put down.
I wonder what its like to fart in zero gravity. Does it like...propel you forward? These are things people need to know NASA
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
I want to meet the guy at Hewlett Packard who decides how many minutes of strange noises their printers make before printing 1 page.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.