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Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Look UPS guy, you can`t just show up at someone`s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.
If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
In my experience, the quickest way to escape Jury Duty? As they read out the charges, yell out, "Oh c`mon...even I`ve done THAT!"
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
No, I don`t need a Fitbit. I can count to 45 by myself.
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.
It takes me like three days to wake up in the morning.