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Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
I just sprayed Citrus Fabreeze in my bathroom... Now it smells like Sh*trus
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
If monogamy is sex with only one person, what is origami?
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
if your looking for love sorry to disappoint you im already in a relationship with fun and freedom. :-)
It looks like bathroom tai chi but it`s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven