Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn`t believe me.
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she`s going to get me something.
I know I`ve had enough to drink when I have to concentrate to blink.
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
Question everything...Or should you?
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me.
Some people should come with subtitles.
It`s acceptable for someone to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner as long as they still go to the gym, right? I`m asking for a friend...