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Hey, if anyone needs help raising their kids, come talk to me. I`ve been one for 30 some years now.
Sometimes I wrestle with my inner demons. Other times, we just hug.
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
Do people who exercise not know about ice cream and Netflix?
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
Let’s all agree to stop saying “I read about it somewhere” and admit that we saw it on Law and Order.
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow