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Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
If I truly posted what was on my mind ... I´d most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.
Why does Facebook even give me the option to `Like` my own status? Of course I like my status, I`m F*ck!ng Hilarious! ...and Sexy.
Finding friends with the same disorder as you... priceless!
Instead of the John, I call my bathroom the Jim...that way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim every morning.
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
I get the whole 3 meals a day thing but I`m confused about how many at night?
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.