Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?