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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over? Me: pfft. I could think of like fifty reasons, I’m not falling for that.
Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
Summer is real cool until every f*ckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell.
if the shoe fits wear it , if it too tight take it off
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those ... Wait ... Two. I have 2 kids.
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.